No Zen

The first time I tried to meditate

I was tired and fell into sleep,

My beardless chin curling to my chest.

I don’t recall that long-ago dream,

But know still I awoke to joy

Despite my guilty embarrassment.

Next time, I knew, I’d touch Nirvana.

But the next time I was drunk,

My “OM” more of an “Oh shit,”
as I sought the quiet sacred place

Where rooms ceased spinning

Cross-legged beside the toilet.

Every few months now, for years,

I dust off my rusty lotus,

Focus my mind on a single point,

Try to think of absolute zero.

But my mind’s still not still,

I don’t want to lose myself

In some vast and cosmic One.

I already know I’m nothing.

Why, oh tell me why now

I’d want to feel that truth?